Broken Boy
by xxpapercutxx
Summary: I have never been a happy person...will that ever change? All I have are my sad memories, nightmares, and loneliness to keep me company. Could someone ever love a broken boy like me? NejiGaara
1. Chapter 1

I know, I know, you are all upset that I'm starting a new story without updating my others, but truth be told I'm having writer's block so I'd appreciate if you were all patient with me as I try to find a way to write for my other stories. I do however want to start this story because it's been in my mind for a while and I hope you all enjoy it.

**Warning: Sad stuff, yes I know that is not very descriptive.**

Pairing(s): NejiGaara

**Unbeta-ed. I finished this just now and wanted to post it because I am too lazy to wait for it to be properly edited so please forgive me for any mistakes you find.**

Dedicated to **Sasuke2006**! She is one of my best friends and a fellow writer, and I'm usually talking to her on YIM when I'm writing or brainstorming so I felt the need to dedicate another story to her. If you have time please go check out her fabulous stories!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Broken Boy – Prologue**

I have never been a happy person. I may seem like I am one but I'm not. My life has been really sad, but I know that others have had even worse. I know I feel lucky that mine is not as bad but I don't. I'm just unhappy. I hate my family. I have hated them since I was a child and they betrayed me. I resent them, but they don't know that. It is my little secret. I pretend to be happy and like my life when in all honesty I hate it. All of them, I hate them all. They left me all alone. I was so lonely. I'd cry and have no one to go too, I'd be worried and have to keep it to myself. Where was the attention a child deserved? Where was the love and affection? It was nowhere. The love for them I had is gone as well. I will never forgive them.

The mother I used to love and adore is now just a weak woman who is always sad. She always is complaining about her life and how unhappy she is. At least I try to be happy and don't make it worse for everyone by bringing them down with me. She always gets me in an upset mood when we talk. She has her normal moments in which she appears happy as well, but those are just the pills. The drugs she has to take to keep her from being suicidal and falling into depression. I always look into her eyes though and see her sadness. The deep wrinkles on her forehead from all the worrying and sadness. Her long hair has lost it's sheen and is plain and worn out. What used to hurt me to hear was when she'd say she wanted to die. Now sometimes I find myself wishing that she would.

My father was and still is in a way, a monster. When I was little he'd hit me. Mostly he'd just spank me, but sometimes he'd grab my arm and hold me still while he yelled at me. I was so afraid of him. Whenever I did something bad or broke something while he wasn't in that room, I'd hide upstairs in my parent's room's closet. I can still remember the darkness broken by the slanted slits in the door and the old musty smell the coats and clothes in the closet gave off. I'd sit there in fear sometimes with tears streaming down my face, hoping that he wouldn't find the broken object or find out I had made a mistake. I lived in constant fear of him, but now it's different. When my parents divorced my mother told the court of the abuse he gave me and they insisted he go to anger management lessons if he wanted to still have custody for my brother, sister, and I. He took the classes, but he still gets really angry at times, although he doesn't hit me anymore. I still hate him for all the fear and pain he put me through, because of him I've been scarred for life. He was sorry for what he had done, but I will never be able to truly forgive him. Nothing he does can change the past. He's hurt me so much, but never again. Because I won't let him, my father is like a stranger to me.

My older brother, Kankuro, he was gone most of my childhood as well. His friends were horrible; they got him into smoking, drinking, and doing other illegal things. I remember going into his room and my nose being assaulted by the horrible smell of smoke. After a while he didn't even let me in his room anymore. I was being pushed away. He stayed out late and skipped school. When I did see him he had little to say, although he was never cruel to me, he was never there for me. Today though, he's a healthy guy. He doesn't smoke and hardly drinks if at all. He's a vegetarian and wants to save the world. He's like a distant friend now, but if he died, I wouldn't miss him, because he's still not here for me even now. He moved out at eighteen and I barely ever see him.

My older sister, Temari, she was almost as bad as my father. She was cruel, always calling me names and judging everything I did. I was never good enough. Her constant ridicule and criticism of everything I did was horrible and made me feel that I was nothing. That no one cared and if I died no one would even shed a tear. I cried so much as a child and hated myself and I still do. I hate myself. I don't know how much worse my life can get, but I know things can always be worse. For me there is no better. Life is too cruel and love hurts too much. I don't want to care anymore. I just want to live my life and die in my sleep not feeling a thing. I want to be free, from all the pain, from all the cruelness, from all the hate.

But at times I find myself still hoping for happiness. I hope for the impossible. I know that I will never be happy, truly happy. Though I still hope. I guess I'm not completely broken yet. All I have left is the hope. Without that I'd die and live an empty and meaningless life. I don't want that to happen though, so I have to change.

I have to pretend. Put up a façade, one of me happy and content with my life. I hide everything, how I feel, my honest opinions, what I really think of something, just so I will fit in and be liked. I fear not being liked more than anything. I can't stand loneliness. I hate the thought of always being alone. Which is why I hide everything. Hiding all the pain and distrust that lives within me. I've had this act going on for so long that my life is just one big lie. There is no one that understands me. I feel so different and isolated, yet I'm surrounded by people and have lots of friends. I just don't understand it. Why do I pretend still? I have no answer to that. Well I do, I just don't like it.

It's because I'm scared. I'm afraid that once the mask is gone my world will all come crashing down and I'll be alone. My friends will feel betrayed by all the lies and feel that I don't trust them because I could never tell them how I really felt. I wish I could trust, but after being betrayed by the people that are supposed to love you and be closest to you it is hard to be open and honest for me. I don't want that to happen. But I don't want to keep living this lie. I want to be honest, because if I can't be honest then I can never be happy. I sometimes wonder what exactly would bring me happiness and the only thing I can think of is love.

Love, a thing I've never received. I want love so badly that at times it hurts. Especially knowing that no one loves me, that hurts the most. Could anyone love me? At times I find myself thinking no one ever will and at others thinking that maybe, just maybe someone will.

My suffering has no escape though, even if I gain the love of another I'll still be haunted by the memories. Having that love might however slowly heal the pain I have to constantly live with. I just want to heal…and stop being broken…

To be continued…

**Please Review! I know it was short but it is only the prologue and I should have the first chapter out soon, which in my time is like a week or two, but it will depend upon reviews. If people really like it I'll work on it sooner and get it done faster.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it took so long to get out. I kind of got stuck at one part and didn't know how to continue for a while. Here's the first chapter though and I hope you all like it! This actually has dialouge in it, and Neji is in this chapter.**

**Paring: Future NejiGaa**

**Warning: Shonen-ai**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

**Beta-ed by Sasuke2006 one of my bestest friends. She is awesome and so nice to beta my confusing stories. You see my beta's are the only reason my stories make sense. Without them it'd be a mess and you'd be so lost.**

**Chapter One**

Everyday is like a dream, something that doesn't seem real and is intangible.

I have to wonder what it would be like to be real. What it would feel like to be 'normal'. I want to fit in, but I'm different so I never will.

-

"Sabaku, are you paying attention?" Questioned the teacher standing in the front of the classroom. Gaara glanced over at the white board behind her quickly solving the problem in his head.

"X equals 7."

"Very good," With that the woman turned back to the board working out the problem for the rest of the class who did not understand how he had gotten that answer.

Daydreaming while staring out the window was a common thing for Gaara to do. The teachers were used to it and never bothered him about it as long as he did his work and didn't disrupt class. They also left him alone because the counselors had informed them that Gaara was _special_, as in he was still slightly traumatized from his childhood. So there for they always paid special attention to him, just in case something happened.

-

What would happen if I died?

Would anyone care to notice I was gone? Who would cry? What would people say? How would they remember me? Will I forever be known as a person that I really am not? Will my life end still shrouded by darkness and the real me unknown to even those closest to me?

I don't want that.

Do I even want to die? No…I'm afraid of death.

I don't want to die.

I don't care if I'm always alone. I'd rather live in constant loneliness then face the even colder emptiness of death.

Will someone save me?

-

"How have you been?" The counselor asked kindly as she looked over at Gaara analyzing him.

"Not bad," Was his automatic reply as he stared blankly out the window that was to his side.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" She questioned leaning over slightly causing her shoulder length black hair to cascade down in front of her shoulders.

"No…not about my past at least."

"Then is there something else?" Her voice hopeful that she was finally getting something out of the boy. He had never told her anything and it had been three years that she had been working with him.

"I think…I like someone…"

"Oh…does she go to this school?" The woman inquired surprised at Gaara's statement.

"No…_he's _twenty," Gaara said adding stress to the one word.

"Really?" The woman was now shocked if anything. This boy really was hard to understand.

"Yeah…but he's the only one who noticed me."

She stared at the boy as he looked out the window and noticed his eyes were glazed over, as if he wasn't all _there_.

"What do you mean he was the only one who noticed you?"

Gaara stopped looking out the window and locked his jade eyes with the gray eyes of the counselor.

"He saw the real me."

She was shocked at the intense look the boy's gaze had. They were filled with anger and pain, as if he was hiding from something.

"What-"

"I'm going now," Gaara said cutting her off. "I don't feel well."

"Ah…okay then," She sighed as she watched the door to her office close. "And I thought I was finally making a break through."

-

No one understands.

No one.

Except for him.

He understands me. He saw the real me. He liked me for who I was. He doesn't think I'm different. He doesn't think I'm a monster. He doesn't think I'm a freak.

I wonder if he knows how much he means to me.

Probably not.

After all I'm just his neighbor and there are so many people who are much better than me. I don't stand a chance. But I still like him.

He was the first person to notice me.

-

Gaara walked toward his home in a sedated pace. He was in no hurry to get back to the place that he called hell. The only good thing about being there was that on the off chance he was near a window he could see _him_. That was the only reason he still went home without trying to avoid it completely.

"Sabaku-san," A voice called from his side as a car pulled up next to him near the sidewalk he was walking on. He immediately recognized the voice and his head jerked over to look at the man in the car.

"Hyuuga-san?" Gaara questioned, confused by the others sudden appearance.

"Your father and mother went out of town and your brother and sister decided to stay with friends so they asked if you could stay at my house and I agreed," Was the brunette's explanation.

"How long?"

"Hmm?" The pale-eyed man looked questioningly at the red head as he motioned for Gaara to get into the car.

"How long am I staying with you?" Gaara repeated this time more fully.

"A week," Neji replied stepping on the gas and moving them toward his home.

-

This seems too good to be true.

There must be some sort of catch. Why did my parents go out of town anyway? Why would they even care if I were left alone at home? This is all a little too suspicious.

But should I really be worrying so much?

I mean I am finally getting a chance to get closer to him.

Do I want to waste what might be my only chance at happiness?

-

"Thanks…I guess," Gaara muttered not looking at Neji as they pulled into the driveway to his home and he got out.

"Your welcome and you can get whatever you need later, but right now I need to show you around my house and get you situated," Neji said.

"You plan too much," Gaara complained following Neji into his house.

"You don't plan enough, I heard about that speech you made in your English class. People said it was amazing…well until they found out you had made it up off the top of your head and it really had no factual value to it."

"I still got an A on that," Gaara said looking around the tidy house. "What happens if I stain the white carpet?"

"Nothing…I have never stained it before and as long as you are careful you shouldn't either."

"Sure…" Gaara said agreeing automatically.

"If you don't want to stay here you could stay with a friend," Neji said feeling as if the boy didn't want to be there.

"I'd say yes, but I have no real friends," Gaara explained. "I'm only friends with them to make myself look good."

"I see," Neji said. "You do nothing unless you have personal gain from it." Gaara nodded his head showing agreement.

"You're a lot like me in that sense," Neji said smirking.

"Then why are you letting me stay with you?" Gaara questioned. He saw Neji pause in surprise before reverting back to his confident self.

"I'll let you figure that out on your own," Neji said walking down the long hallway in his home before stopping and opening a door to his left. "This is your room. Mine is right across the hall."

Gaara looked into the room and wasn't disappointed. As he had thought Neji only bought expensive things and they were all in white, gray, and black. Somehow though he managed to not make it dull like most would have if using those colors.

The sheets were white and gray while the pillowcases were black all were made of silk. The carpeting for the room was white and the curtains covering the window were black. The room was painted a silver-gray that was so pale it was almost white.

-

He is pure.

I'm not.

I'm tainted.

I'll taint him too if I get to close.

But I like him. I want to be near him. He is like a magnet that I'm drawn to.

Is that so wrong? Wanting to be near purity?

Is that selfish of me?

But when have I ever been selfish?

I never ask for a lot. I get the best grades and don't cause trouble for my parents. I get almost nothing in return except but what most other children get. Which is food and a place to live.

I want to be near him.

I wonder if he knows I'm tainted.

He wouldn't let me stay here if he knew I was tainted.

-

"Your house is very plain," Gaara said lying.

"You're not very grateful are you?" Neji said slightly irritated by his rude remark.

"You never said I had to be," Gaara responded smirking. He then brushed past Neji and lay on the bed. "I'm going to take a nap."

"Okay, I'll get you when dinner is done," Neji replied shutting the door as he left.

Gaara turned over onto his stomach and hugged the pillow close to him breathing in deeply the scent that smothered it, as well as the rest of the room. It smelled like Neji and that had a calming effect on him.

He had to wonder if what he was feeling at that moment was what it felt like to be in love.

But no, he only felt safe and content. That couldn't be love. He knew those feelings already.

-

I want love.

I want love so much. To feel loved. To be in love. Love.

But what is love?

Does anyone love me?

No.

They don't love me.

No one loves me, and no one ever will.

They all hate me.

I'll be alone forever…

_**To be continued…**_

**Please Review!**


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